I know that when Sunday comes around I really need to start pushing myself to do the things I need to like opening my chakras and teaching myself to meditate better. I keep sayyimg I'm going to do it, then some new drama comes up in my life and I let it slip to the side. It's time for me to dig in and really put in the effort needed to further myself in my spirituality. I know for a fact we all do this, maybe not with the same things, but we let life's dramas get in the way of our goals. Don't let this happen! If something is important to you then MAKE TIME FOR IT! There is never going to be a perfect time to learn something new. Life dosent work that way. We have to make a way to get it done. This is the very reason that this year I made no New Years Resolutions. Because everytime I make them I let life get in the way of them then forget about them. I'm going to take the long term goals I have for my spirituality and break them down into weekly goals. My goal for this week is to open up my chakras and since I am so new to meditation, I will make a simple goal of being able to meditate for at least five minutes.
After my dedication I knew I would have soooo much to learn but I really had no idea the extent of the power it would all hold. So much has happened to me since the 17th of December and I am finally learning to trust myself. This is somethimg I have been trying to do since I was a teenager. I was taught that I should only trust this elusive god that seemed to never be there for me when I needed him.
I've gone through so much pain and self doubt in my life, never really knew who I was. It literally drove me to the point of insanity. Just last year I broke down so bad I was hospitalized several times for wanting to take myself out of this life. Throughout this time I was told to pray and hand give my troubles over to the lord. I tried but nothing ever happened. No help ever came. I had to pull myself out of the hell that I was going through by myself and put my life back together alone. I was just going through my journal yesterday and I found that I wrote a lot about my views on god. I wrote this: "I feel like god really isn't there, and if he is then he just likes to take big shits on people to see how much shit you can handle until you break." I knew in my soul that there was no god there, but I also knew in the back of my mind that there was someone else out there because I still searched for it. During this time I really just wanted to die. It really was one of the lowest points in my life. I hated my self for so long. Finally I am starting to love myself.
Life takes us down many paths, some of which we find ourselves on and ask "why the fuck am I here?!". Many of these paths start out looking good but end up in heartache. These paths are created for us and will eventually lead us to where we need to be. After years and years of not knowing who I was or my purpose in life has brought me to this point in my life. My path has been filled with plenty of pain and heartache, more than enough to last me a lifetime. When life gets hard we are given a choice. We can either give up and let the bad things in life take controll or we can pick ourselves up off the dirty floor and tell the bad things to fuck off! Since I became a Spiritual Satanist I find myself telling the bad things in my life to fuck off. I have found a power buried deep inside my soul that I have been searching for my whole life! HAIL SATAN!
-Rain Freedom
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