On Force Feeding

This is not turning out how I planned. When I did my dedication I was told I could not learn anything about Spiritual Satanism without doing the dedication first. I felt pushed into it. I also couldn't learn from anyone other than the person who brought me into satanism. I don't think this was very fair. People should be allowed to learn freely. Spirituality is a very personal journey and should be taken very seriously. 

I have learned a lot about satanism but I feel as though it was shoved down my throat the same way a Christian does it. I was also told that after doing a dedication if ever I left satanism I would be haunted and tormented by satan and his demons for the rest of my life or until I returned to satanism. After finding this out to be a lie, I am thinking I may be more cut out for a pagan religion. I'm not quite sure yet where my journey will lead me but thank you to all of those who have showed me what it means to be a true satanist. 

It is so important to not shove your beliefs down other people's throats. If they choose to live a diffrent way then let them. That is their choice. That is the beauty of free will. Not everyone has to see life the way you do. Trying to force someone to believe the same things as you is only going to push them further away from it. In my opnion the best thing you can do is just try to live by your beliefs and be a good person. 

This blog will no longer just be about satanism, but instead my search for spirituality. 

My First Experience With A Demon

Tonight I summoned a demon for the first time. Uvall is my demon and the one that I summoned. I was somewhat scared when I did it being as though it was my first time and I wasn't sure what would happen. 

I started out by drawing the sigil. This took me several times to get it just right. It is a very complicated sigil to draw freehand. See for yourself: 

I'm so thankful for what little drawing skills I have left over from highschool right now. I used to be an excellent artist, I just didn't keep up with drawing after I got married. I knew what I was going to ask of my demon I just wasn't sure what I had to offer. I figured I could work this out with Uvall when I summoned him/her. 

So I did the summoning in the only room with a mirror...the bathroom. I went in and recited the words I needed to and waited. It wasn't long before I heard a deep voice say "I am here." I told him "I've never talked to a demon before, I'm not quite sure what to do." Then I started to freak out a little. Doubt started to creep in. My mind started to try to tell me this wasn't real, that it was just my brain having a conversation with itself. At this point I asked my demon to touch me and reassure me that he/she (Uvall is unisex) was really here. I waited about a minute and I turned the light off and sat back down. That's when I felt it. Someone was touching the back of my neck, right by my right ear. I asked if it was truly him/her. Uvall said it was his/her hand on my neck and that he/she would remove it when he/she was gone. 

We started talking and I asked if Uvall would help make Tim (my ex) stick with the plan we had talked about and agreed upon a few days ago and send an army to help protect my kids. I also asked for help getting my apartment. He/she told me "You already have your apartment." Uvall seemed to almost laugh with me after he/she gave me this anwser! I got the feeling that now was the time I needed to offer something in return. Now I know that High Priestess Maxine says to forget everything you have seen on TV about making deals with demons, but the first thing that popped into my head was from a TV show I've been watching. I thought "oh no! I'm gonna be asked to give up my love for my boyfriend!!" Then I remembered what Maxine had said and thought "I'll meditate for 5 minutes a day for the rest of my life!" Uvall seemed pleased with this but we hadn't agreed on it yet and when I thought about it I knew it might not be something I could truly follow through with. Whenever I have made New Years resolutions I always fall out of the habit after about 2 months and I didn't want to promise something I couldn't honestly commit to, so I said I would do it for 1 month. Uvall really wanted me to commit to doing it for the rest of my life. I explained to him/her my reasoning for not wanting to agree to this and offered to mediate for 5 minutes every day for 2 months. I promised to start when I was done with the summoning. He said "Ok I'll take that." He seemed pleased, I then got the feeling from him/her that He/she also wanted me to write about my experience. I thanked Uvall for being my demon and giving me the help I needed. I asked if I could see him/her. He/she said "no, you would be to scared." I thought about it and agreed. Then I got the feeling Uvall needed to leave and that our time was over. So quickly  I asked if Uvall would send help to my boyfriend for the issues he was having. I got the feeling he would help him. I said thank you once again and left the bathroom. 

My boyfriend wanted to know how it went so I told him a bit about what we talked about. I then went into my bedroom to meditate as I had promised. I decided to do it for 10 minutes instead of just 5. I still felt the hand on the back of my neck so I asked Uvall if he/she was really going to help my boyfriend since the anwser I got from him/her was a feeling instead of a verbal anwser. He/she answered "yes I will." I thanked Uvall and continued to meditate. I eventually felt the hand on the back of my neck leave. 

This was my first experience with a demon. It was not like I expected. It wasn't like the movies where the demon is hostile and mean, it was peacefull and happy instead. 

There are a few things I found interesting about my demon. Uvall can manipulate time and while I was meditating time seemed to pass extremely fast. The ten minutes felt more like 5. I wonder if Uvall has followed me all my life, because many, many times in my life I feel like time is either going faster or slower than it should be. Even as I write this I looked at the time on my phone and realize that it is like 2:00 in the morning. Last time I looked at the clock it was 9:00. Time just flew by again! Uvall is also a unisex demon and I have always found transgenders to be extremely captivating. Not really in a sexual way, but it just is very interesting to me. Is there a connection here? 

I found it interesting the way I communicated with Uvall. I really was hoping I wasn't going to have to talk out loud to him/her. I think he/she sensed this and just communicated with me telepathically to make me feel more comfortable. I thought this was very kind and thoughtful. We also communicated through feelings and emotions. I think this is something I need to work on trusting more. When I asked to see Uvall he/she was concerned for me that I would be to scared. I think he/she was right to deny me this, as I probably would have freaked out. 

In closing I would just like to say this was a very nice experience. This has completely changed my view on demons. Yes, I still do believe that some people do have bad experiences with demons like being haunted and such. I think this is because they are not treating them right. They need to be respected and honored. The people who have these bad experiences are not satanists and from what I know demons don't react kindly to this. Most people call upon them for fun and don't realize what they are actually doing. Probably because they don't really think that the demons are real. I have learned that they are real and when you summon them you should be honest and treat them with respect. Thank you Spookey for encouraging me to do this and making it possible. Thank you Uvall for this wonderful experience. 

  

*WARNING*

If you are not truly a Satanist and have not dedicated yourself to Satan, DO NOT TRY TO SUMMON A DEMON! Demons are ment to be helpers of Satan for his true followers. If you are not truly authenticity dedicated to Satan and you try to summon a demon, bad things can happen. This is because they are insulated that someone who is not their family is calling upon them. Demons are very powerful and will haunt you and do things to mess with you. I know this because I had one that followed me while I was a christian. Since I became a Satanist it has stopped doing things to scare me. Just know that if you are not a Satanist or have not yet done your dedication you shouldn't be summoning demons. 

Hail Satan! 

                            Rain Freedom

Enslavement

Today I've been thinking about how women have been treated in the past. It got me thinking of how I was treated while I was a Mormon. 

Mormon faith is a very male dominated faith. Men have the priesthood they can give blessings and hold all the major roles in the church. The women can only hold leadership roles over other women and young children. Their role in the home is to care for the children and keep up with the housework. Very few women in the Mormon religion have careers that take them out of the home. If they do, they are thought of by other members as bad mothers and poor wives. The men aren't expected to have to help out at all in the home, this is the wife's job. A good Mormon housewife cooks all the meals, cleans all the messes, cares for the children, and for bonus points, homeschools. 

When I would go to church all the families would meet together and listen to a few talks, then split off into groups based on gender. The men went to priesthood meeting and the women went to relief society. Now I can't tell you what the men talked about during their meeting as I was a woman and therefore never allowed to go to their meetings, but I can tell you about the women's meetings. 

We only met together for an hour, but that hour was spent talking about how we could better serve our families in our duties. How we could better teach love, kindness and faith through our daily activities. Never once did we talk about empowering ourselves or teaching our kids to think for themselves. It was always about encorporating the teachings of the scriptures into our lives. 

Honestly, looking back it is sad to see so many women as brainwashed as I was. Thinking that our happiness was based on the happiness of the people around us. We were allowing ourselves to base our self worth on what others thought of us as wives and mothers. The Mormon faith has made women out to be treated almost like a slave, but brainwash them just enough to think they are happy in serving. They are allowed to have hobbies, as long as they fit into the good little Mormon housewife mould. 

Women have fought for their rights for a very long time! It is so sad to see women not taking advantage of the advances in our rights that the women before us have dedicated their lives to. Women that choose instead, to continue to be oppressed by men. 

It is upsetting to me that people live in a religion that is continuing to enslave both men and women alike. If a man were to speak out about how he wanted equal rights for the women in this religion he would be thought of as a freak. A man who agrees to let his wife be the bread winner in the family id commonly thought of as weak and lazy in the Mormon community.  

I'm just really glad to know the truth now. I'm glad I can be the person I want to be without having to base my happiness on that of others. I am so glad to finally be free! 

                      Rain Freedom

Parenting Without Church

Parenting children can be hard work, it's not always easy. I know this as I have three girls. I took them to church for a few years when they were very young then off and on they have gone with their grandma. I stopped letting them go to church before I looked into Spiritual Satanism because I wanted my kids to be able to choose their own religion without being brainwashed into doing so. I wanted them to get to an age where they can actually understand what they are getting into before they started making spiritual decisions for themselves. Most christians (like my mother) believe if you don't take your kids to church that you are not teaching them good values. You can teach them to be good people without taking them to church for brainwashing sessions. It's simple. 

Start by teaching them to be kind to other people. With my kids when they are rude to someone or hurt another person I talk to them about how being unkind makes them feel on the inside. They usually say they feel sad. So then I have them appolagize to the person they hurt and help them think of something nice they can do for that person especially if it is a close friend or relative, someone they have to deal with often. This parenting technique has done wonders in helping bring out my children's kind hearts. One of the first  things I do when they are rude or hurt someone is talk to them about why they did it in the first place. Open communication is so very important. 

Teaching children to be respectful is very important. I don't want my kids to end up one of those snotty nosed brats. It is very important to not confuse respect with fear though. A child should not fear their parent but respect them. I have found that the easiest way to teach my kids how to be respectful was by doing so myself and showing them respect as well. Say please and thank you to your kids when you need them to do something. Yes they might need to be reminded once in a while, but they model what they see everyday from us as parents. 

Teaching kids to be in control of their emotions can be very tough. It takes a lot of practice and many, many talks. I'm still working on this with my oldest daughter but we are getting there. The first thing I had to teach her was that it's ok to have emotions. I didn't freak out and yell at her when she would have her massive tantrums. I would calmly tell her that if she wanted to throw a fit she needed to do it in her room and that when she was done mommy would come talk to her. I would wait until she was done and then go have a nice calm talk with her about why she threw the tantrum. 

Instead of teaching my daughters to pray when they are distressed I am teaching them to be empowered and think of things that will help them feel better. Coloring, singing, playing outside, ect. One of the things I taught them from the time they were very small to do was when they were very upset I would tell them to stop what they were doing and take 3 deep breaths. This would help them to calm down enough to talk to me and tell me what it was that was bothering them. 

One of the most important things to me in my parenting is not being afraid to say I'm sorry to my kids. I think this goes along with the respect I was talking about earlier. I respect my kids enough that if I make a mistake no matter how big or how small, I take the time to appolagize to them. I have been told this is a parenting fail. I hadn't seen my daughter in nearly a month and she was very upset she couldn't go home and see her friends because we had moved. I told her that I was sorry and that we really couldn't do that for a while. My exs mother cut me off and told me that I needed to stop telling my kids I was sorry and exert my authority instead and that my appolagizeing was effecting my kids in negotiate ways. I looked up at her and said "my kids are fine."

Children can be taught strong morals without going to church. I believe that the morals will be stronger in them because they are not based on fear. Teaching our little ones to obey based on church won't stick with them for long, there teens will come along and they will most likely rebel against it. Teaching children what is right and wrong based on how their soul feels? I believe that is something that is much stronger than beliefs based on fear. Teaching my children good morals based on how their soul feels teaches them to listen to their inner self and think for themselves and will help them to be empowered themselves. 

                                Rain Freedom

Goals And Life's Paths

Opening up my self to my spirituality has proved to be the easiest step in the journey so far. Now I am learning so many of the things I can do with my mind it has opened up a whole new world. When I know someone I care for is having a hard day I myself can send them light, love, protection, and energy. I'm still not sure if I'm doing everything perfectly, but I am trying my best. I no longer have to ask a deity to do these things for me. I feel so empowered! Sometimes it is hard to do and it can be exausting for me. Like last night when I sent each of my 3 children love and protection, all separately. I was exausted afterwards. I'm not sure if anyone else has this feeling. It makes sense to me though, I mean I am taking energy out myself to give to them. 

I know that when Sunday comes around I really need to start pushing myself to do the things I need to like opening my chakras and teaching myself to meditate better. I keep sayyimg I'm going to do it, then some new drama comes up in my life and I let it slip to the side. It's time for me to dig in and really put in the effort needed to further myself in my spirituality. I know for a fact we all do this, maybe not with the same things, but we let life's dramas get in the way of our goals. Don't let this happen! If something is important to you then MAKE TIME FOR IT! There is never going to be a perfect time to learn something new. Life dosent work that way. We have to make a way to get it done. This is the very reason that this year I made no New Years Resolutions. Because everytime I make them I let life get in the way of them then forget about them. I'm going to take the long term goals I have for my spirituality and break them down into weekly goals. My goal for this week is to open up my chakras and since I am so new to meditation, I will make a simple goal of being able to meditate for at least five minutes. 

After my dedication I knew I would have soooo much to learn but I really had no idea the extent of the power it would all hold. So much has happened to me since the 17th of December and I am finally learning to trust myself. This is somethimg I have been trying to do since I was a teenager. I was taught that I should only trust this elusive god that seemed to never be there for me when I needed him. 

I've gone through so much pain and self doubt in my life, never really knew who I was. It literally drove me to the point of insanity. Just last year I broke down so bad I was hospitalized several times for wanting to take myself out of this life. Throughout this time I was told to pray and hand give my troubles over to the lord. I tried but nothing ever happened. No help ever came. I had to pull myself out of the hell that I was going through by myself and put my life back together alone. I was just going through my journal yesterday and I found that I wrote a lot about my views on god. I wrote this: "I feel like god really isn't there, and if he is then he just likes to take big shits on people to see how much shit you can handle until you break." I knew in my soul that there was no god there, but I also knew in the back of my mind that there was someone else out there because I still searched for it. During this time I really just wanted to die. It really was one of the lowest points in my life. I hated my self for so long. Finally I am starting to love myself. 

Life takes us down many paths, some of which we find ourselves on and ask "why the fuck am I here?!". Many of these paths start out looking good but end up in heartache. These paths are created for us and will eventually lead us to where we need to be. After years and years of not knowing who I was or my purpose in life has brought me to this point in my life. My path has been filled with plenty of pain and heartache, more than enough to last me a lifetime. When life gets hard we are given a choice. We can either give up and let the bad things in life take controll or we can pick ourselves up off the dirty floor and tell the bad things to fuck off! Since I became a Spiritual Satanist I find myself telling the bad things in my life to fuck off. I have found a power buried deep inside my soul that I have been searching for my whole life! HAIL SATAN! 

                           -Rain Freedom

This Will Not Be A Tragedy

When I first started writing this blog I decided to try to write at least once a week. I just posted to a friend that it might take me a while to write something cause I am currently in a custody battle with my soon to be ex husband. Lots of paperwork and drama. Let me tell you... It's not fun!  

Now I've been trying to write something all week but nothing has gone past a few paragraphs and it was never quite complete. Well this thing I told my friend about not writing cause my life is going crazy right now really got me thinking. Why am I gonna let this upset control my life? Just because my ex is upsetting my life right now dosent mean I have to let it totally disrupt my life and make me quit doing the things I love to do! This is what poor blind Christians do! Something upsetting happens in their lives and it becomes a tragedy. This man is powerless compared to me! I have Enki on my side! Our True Father is helping me. Why should I have any fear or doubts?

Why are christian habits so hard to break? I mean this habit of freaking out and then pleading for help. Why can't there just be a switch in my brain I can flip that goes "oh, you're a Spiritual Satanist now? Here you go I'll turn off all your old christian bad habits and turn on all the new good habits!" I knew when I started this journey that there would be a lot of things that I needed to change, but wow! I never realized how enslaved I was until I was freed from it. Religious enslavement is a real thing. Most people don't really realize they are being enslaved as it happens. I knew there were going to be many changes to my life I would have to make. I knew they wouldn't all be easy but I swear I will continue to make these changes! I will am becoming the person I have been chasing after and searching for my whole life! Bringing Satan into my life has been the best decision I have ever made. I can already see the changes in myself. 

I am not going to let this upset in my life take over my life like a christian does. I refuse to let this make me stop writing. Writing is something I love to do and I will continue to share my thoughts with those who will listen.

Going Blind

When we are born we have an open mind, we have the ability to learn amazingly fast the things we are exposed to weather they be true or false. We are born innocent and eager. For some one of us the first things we are exposed to is church. Some of us are baptized even. 

Church is made to be fun for children, like a game even. Lots of singing and crafts to reinforce how jesus died for your sins and how you should dedicate your life to serving him. Most children don't really ever ask questions as to why they have to do the things they do. Why would they? Mommy and daddy know best right?

It's as if we are born with our eyes open but slowly go blind as we grow older. 

After years and years of being fed all the religious bullshit you start to question it. Who is the true god? Is the bible true? What religion is right? Am I going to hell? 

You know if you ask these questions to a christian you will be told to read the bible and pray about it. But you want proof! You are tired of praying! 

The first thing I was shown was a series of YouTube videos entitled "God is Evil".http://youtu.be/RT8WATQ6vWY It completely changed my view on him.  Job 9:22 (niv) says "It is all the same; that is why I say, 'He destroys both the blameless and the wicked." I even looked it up. Here is a link to some of the diffrent translations of the verse: http://biblehub.com/job/9-22.htm 

After watching these videos I was convinced that it was true this elusive god I had been following all my life was a horrible being. He was all for killing, raping, murdering, child abuse, animal abuse, and insest. All the bible did was back it all up! 

How can Christians read this book and never question the god they worship? Christians are taught that all these things are wrong but why is it ok for their god to do? This supposed eternal being without sin? He was the worst of them all! He killed millions of innocent men, women and children multiple times throughout the bible. 

Satanism has freed my mind and my spirit. I am finally free to be myself without guilt. Satan loves me and everyday he shows me this through his actions. I never got that from the christian god. 

HAIL SATAN! 

                     Rain Freedom