From a very young age I had a great voice. I could sing very well. I was taught that being proud of what I could do with my vocals was a sin and I should only use it to praise god. Why couldn't I be proud of myself? I was very pretty. I couldn't be proud of that either. Growing up in this very conservative home really had a negative effect on my self worth and my self image.
I went to Christian elementary/middle school and a boarding high school for a few months. Let me tell you from experience bad things that happen in these schools just get swept under the rug. And religious beliefs are drilled into your head the whole time. During this time I really started to question my beliefs and why I was so scared to really be myself.
At this point in time I thought maybe I just needed to go to a different church. So I tried a few out. Still I felt that every time I prayed no one was really listening to me.
Fast forward a few years of feeling lost and unheard, I was married and became Mormon. I was Mormon for about 4 years. The whole time questioning why I was doing this? Why was I doing something I had no faith in? Why was I on my knees every night begging and pleading for thing that I needed? Wasn't god supposed to be a loving god? Then why would he demand that every time I talk to him that I come to him in such a humiliating way? He seemed to never answer any of my prayers, in fact every time I prayed for something good to happen to me, things just seemed to get worse.
Ask any Christian about why that happens, they will tell you that the lord really is answering your prayers. Just not the way you want him to.
Finally I was finished with Christianity. I quit going to church. I quit praying. I quit reading the bible. I felt somewhat freed. I no longer had a religion telling me how I had to live my life. I knew something was missing from my life still. So I started researching different religious beliefs. The thing that seemed to be the closest to what I was looking for was paganism. But that was still a little off for me. Still wasn't the perfect fit for me.
Fast forward again about a year through my husband and I breaking up.
I met a man online. (He is now my boyfriend.) We hit it off right away. He was a spiritual Satanist. Right away I wanted to know more about this. So he sent me a series of videos that used verses from the bible to prove that god was not a loving god, he was in fact evil and spiteful! The videos proved a point that I had always pondered. Why was it ok when God did bad things like killing mass hoards of people and yet it is wrong to kill?
I wanted to know what spiritual Satanism was. So the next thing he sent me was a website called Joy Of Satan. I read a little on it and I loved it! I knew that this was what was missing from my life! So the next few days I spent learning as much as I could on Spiritual Satanism. When I went to his house I knew I needed to do my dedication. Afterwards I was filled with energy and light. I had a wonderful talk with my True Father.
I no longer have to beg and plead. I can simply talk to my Father who truly loves me. I get answers! He gives me power! He healed a leison in my brain and I have the MRI's to prove it!
I used to be scared of Satanists. I assumed it was all a bunch of animal sacrifice and weird bullshit. I assumed that the people were all mean and rude but every Satanist I have met has been polite and very kind in helping me in my journey. Never judge a person based on their beliefs.
This is all very new to me, but the more I learn the more I am empowered with knowledge of the truth. My path is only just beginning and I am very excited to see where it takes me!
-Rain Freedom
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